Marriage Advice

Broken Trust Requires Healing

We have talked about how we cover up our deepest thoughts, feelings and desires. We have talked about how we can paint over the outsides without changing the insides. We have already discussed our desire to be seen as “unbroken people” even though we know the truth about ourselves.

When those broken things show up in our relationship

If we continue to use our fixer-upper house illustration, we can do one of two things; we can put up another layer of wall paper and cover the problem again, or we can tear off the dry wall and fix the real problem before we do the things to make it look acceptable again. Broken trust is simply finding out that the other person is a flawed individual that could not conceal the truth forever. The marriages that survive these points of crisis are the ones that focus on fixing something deeper than they had ever imagined could exist and moving forward together. Those that eventually do not survive are those that paper and paint until they give up on what they believe is a hopeless case.

There are no hopeless cases. There are only cases that are not fundamentally fixed.

First we face the truth.

I am looking for individuals who say, “I’m tired of painting over this situation again and again every six months. I’m ready to fix something.” These are the people who realize that their entire lives are on the line. They have tried to explain it away. They have tried to forgive themselves and say that their faults were not that bad. They have tried to blame other people or other situations. They may have tried self-help and worked on a kind of do-it-yourself repair job.

The simple fact is this: everyone needs forgiveness from God. We stand alone before Almighty God without excuse. Look at Him, if you can, and tell Him why you don’t think you’re quite as bad as someone else. You know you have fallen far short of what God had planned for your life. Tell Him so. Tell Him in simple words what you have done.

Jesus came to provide God’s forgiveness. He made himself the model for how to live our lives. Jesus Christ, as our resurrected Savior, gives us the power that makes it possible to live the life he modeled for us. He prayed for you from the cross as he died, “Father, forgive them [him/her] because they did not know what they were doing.”  If we ask God to forgive us, our Father in Heaven is only answering the prayer of His only begotten son when He forgives our sins. And He will.

Something changes inside of us when we pray that prayer.

We are created new; brand new from the inside out.  This is not wallpaper over broken things. This is all new things. God’s Word says that our “old heart” is removed and “a new heart” is placed inside of us.  I have seen this happen over and over again. It is always a miracle. God simply wants us to ask Him.

What do we do next?

Start over. Think of this as your second chance at life. Husbands, look at your wife for the first time in your life and let your heart feel the “Wow Thing” again. Wives, look at your husband like he was the most awesome person you’ve ever met. That person loved you when you were a stinker and they deserve your admiration!  Now start working to make a new marriage together.

Start like children who go to school to learn their ABC’s.

We got into problems because we were never able to understand what it was to be a man, or a woman, as God had intended us to be. Open the Bible to the books of Matthew, Mark Luke or John and spend some time reading about this person who changed everything. This Jesus, who commanded us to love as He loved, is more than you ever realized before. He looked at people differently than we do. He touched people we would never touch. He spent time with people who were very different from himself. He loved those who would only get on our nerves! Learn from him. Let Jesus teach you how much you still have to learn about being His follower.

Make up your mind to follow Jesus Christ for the rest of your life!

Photo credit: Lel4nd licensed under Creative Commons

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