Conflict Management

Freedom from Hopeless Repetition

Rule #2. I love you just the way you are. Some things CAN’T be changed. Some things you couldn’t change. I won’t ask you to change these. Backgrounds of family life or our “walk of faith”, personality, values, or Gifts that God has blessed us with… are most difficult to change. We just won’t argue about these things.

Rule # 2 is not something that we say out loud as Rule number 1 was, but it is rather something that we accept without argument.

Opposites really DO attract

There are many ways in which we can be opposites without being opposed to each other. There is something fundamental inside each of us that realizes there are things we need that we do not possess ourselves. The very quiet or shy people will often find mates who are outgoing and comfortable in social settings. Those who are conservative will often find themselves attracted to “free-spirits”. People who enjoy saving resources will find themselves married to someone who cannot leave a single dollar in their wallet unspent! I am afraid to even mention what the “neat” people have to put up with as they live with “slobs”.

It is almost as though God’s Spirit leads us to find the corresponding portions of our personalities that we need to keep us balanced. These differences are going to provide us plenty of opportunities to discuss and debate as our personalities interact. You will find that over time God’s Wisdom will have provided the right person for us so we are both spared the worst consequences of our individual personality types.

Being Opposites doesn’t mean that we are Adversaries

There are things that help us stay balanced and there are things that have the potential to divide us. If you have been following the outline of these lessons, you will remember the lessons on the differences in the Deepest Fears of Men and of Women. There are also core values, personal uniqueness’s and physical differences that are nearly impossible to modify. Some of these things could cause arguments that would drag on and on in endless cycles of conflict. Since they cannot be resolved, they would simply wear away the underlying foundations of trust that are required for a happy marriage. We were almost always aware of these issues when the relationship started so they usually don’t take us by unexpected surprise. We committed to love and support each other even as we knew within us that there were things that we would have to accept as being different.

Now is the time when we must make a list of things that will never be brought into a discussion or debate again. This requires a conscious, willful decision to accept those things we now understand are beyond what another person can control or modify.
That is what “loving you just the way you are” really means.

2-I Love You Just the Way You ARE from PastorBobDouglas on Vimeo.

Next: Rule #3: I love you too much to harm you.

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