The Right Way to Manage Conflict in Your Marriage
If you are feeling trapped in a very bad place we can help you.
We will show the right way to handle conflict in your marriage!
We call it the Ten Rules to a Good Fight. You can read the Ten Rules to a Good Fight in a few minutes but you will not understand what they can do to transform your relationship with just a brief reading. As I start teaching this lesson, I always poke fun at those taking the lesson. I truthfully tell them that there will be “test” at some later session where I will find out how well they learned the lesson of the Ten Rules to a Good Fight. I have a habit of getting couples into a fight on the last session, just to see how they handle it. I warn everyone from the beginning that I will do this and I’m pretty good at finding those “buttons” to push to get things started. And then we laugh at ourselves and get to work on taking the next step.
Here is the way to use the Ten Rules to a Good Fight.
As they are written, the Ten Rules to a Good Fight are simply reminders of the lessons inside each rule. There is a link in each of the Ten Rules to a Good Fight that will give you the text of the lesson that lies behind the rule. There is also a video link that will give you a “snapshot” of what you might hear during one of our teaching sessions. The more you learn, the better you will understand and the better you will do on your test.
It is a Contract.
Most people learn how to argue from their family of origin without even realizing that they were setting their own patterns as they watched as small children. We tend to follow the patterns that were used by our parents or those who filled that role. Few people truly set aside those patterns with ease. They are deeply ingrained inside us. Add to those deeply entrenched automatic responses the emotional intensity of an argument with a spouse; you can get a toxic mixture. Bad things can happen that take time to repair. To defuse the explosive possibilities, we have everyone sign a contract. The contract is the Ten Rules to a Good Fight. Simply stated, you are promising to abide by each rule during each argument with your spouse from that time forward.
Can you KEEP your contract?
No, most people will not keep their promise to abide by the Ten Rules to a Good Fight…at least at first. It takes some practice and patience from both sides. There will always be people taking this lesson who ask, “How can this work when my husband/wife will not agree to such rules?” The Ten Rules to a Good Fight work best when both people agree, but I promise you, your marriage will be markedly improved if either of the partners starts living by these rules. The usual response is “shock and awe” that the obedient partner is not responding the same way as they have in the past! This new pattern does less damage and the repair work is less costly to both partners. You cannot expect the uncooperative partner to see the value until they witness the effect of even one person following the new Ten Rules to a Good Fight pattern for themselves.
Try it and see! You will be surprised.