Freedom to Enjoy Peace
Rule #10: I love you enough to stop when either one of us calls for a halt. Not every issue has to be solved in one session. In fact, few ever are. We slowly change to accommodate each other. In between discussions, Let There Be Peace.
We are two different people with two different personalities. We were raised differently and we experienced life in two very different ways. There will always be times of conflict just because we are two individuals who committed to live a joined life. Conflicts will happen but those conflicts do not define who we are!
We were drawn together for many wonderful reasons. We need each other in ways too deep and foundational to completely put into words. We find each other amazing, at least during those times when we are not getting on each other’s nerves. Therefore, let me stress that we must contain the conflicts to just a “corner” of our lives together. In between those times of tension, let there be peace!
Our Goal is to Build Up not Tear Down
We will have disagreements, but we don’t let our problems become the center of our lives. The only way to keep them from growing until they fill the entire space of our time together, is to make sure we are looking for the good of the other person. When we are “me” centered and looking exclusively to what “I” need, the result is a tearing down attitude. When we look at the needs of our marriage partner, we tend to have a more building up attitude toward our spouse.
During those times when we are not having a disagreement, think about what you loved about them when you first met them and you wanted to learn more about this very interesting person. Think about what you found wonderful and special about them. Think about what you really enjoy about being together. And think about what you might do or say to let that person you love know how positive you feel about them. You will probably shock them, because most of the time you have been jumping down their throats! Let them be a little shocked that you still remember the many good things that you continue to love.
We Have a Long View of Life Together
There are people who just love being upset about something. These people find joy in life from being angry and upset. I call them the Rodney Dangerfield’s of the world. There are people who have a streak of perfectionism in their personalities and they never seem to be satisfied or happy. There are other people who like being the center of attention and these masters of drama keep that attention coming because they keep finding problems to debate. I’m sure your spouse is not one of these people. Most couples find that they have more in common than they have that are differences. The differences are the things we talk about the most, but we need to focus on the things we have in common and what we enjoy about each other. You are going to spend many years together. Find JOY in your relationship!! That joy will help you get through your next little problem time.