Broken Trust Requires Forgiveness

I hear it all the time, “I will NEVER forgive that person for what they did to me. I trusted them and they made me look like a fool. I will never give them another chance to stab me in the back again.”

Betray my trust once, shame on you. Betray me twice, shame on me!

You have heard it too. Forgiveness is not even an option. Or is it?

There are only two kinds of people who do not need to forgive. The first are the people who have never failed anyone in any way.  Once you can verify that you have never needed forgiveness from anyone in your entire life, you are one of the two kinds of people who do not need to forgive someone else. The second are those who have reached a level of performance that they will never need forgiveness in the future! You see, if you refuse someone your forgiveness today, you are cutting yourself off from receiving forgiveness sometime in the far distant future when you will need it for yourself.

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Broken Trust Requires Rebuilding

It is in your best interest to repair your relationship following a broken trust. I know there are many people screaming just the opposite viewpoint. They have experienced hurt and betrayal of every description and degree. I understand how hard it is to face an uncertain future with only a broken past for a reference point. Let me explain to you the reasons why I believe that it is in your best interest to find healing and restoration instead of separation.

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Broken Trust Requires Healing

We have talked about how we cover up our deepest thoughts, feelings and desires. We have talked about how we can paint over the outsides without changing the insides. We have already discussed our desire to be seen as “unbroken people” even though we know the truth about ourselves.

When those broken things show up in our relationship

If we continue to use our fixer-upper house illustration, we can do one of two things; we can put up another layer of wall paper and cover the problem again, or we can tear off the dry wall and fix the real problem before we do the things to make it look acceptable again. Broken trust is simply finding out that the other person is a flawed individual that could not conceal the truth forever. The marriages that survive these points of crisis are the ones that focus on fixing something deeper than they had ever imagined could exist and moving forward together. Those that eventually do not survive are those that paper and paint until they give up on what they believe is a hopeless case.

There are no hopeless cases. There are only cases that are not fundamentally fixed.

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