A Message About Abuse

This is an unpleasant topic for everyone concerned.  Some people hurt other people.  Sometimes this happens unintentionally and other times it is done will full knowledge and intent.

A Social Contract

When I drive my car, I acknowledge and accept a “social contract” that I will abide by the laws, the rules of the road and the expected behaviors required from a safe driver.  If I break that contract by speeding or reckless driving, I must be penalized.  As painful as that situation is for the person who is being punished, it is impossible for our society to tolerate such bad behavior.  It is just not safe to allow someone who is recklessly ignoring the rules to endanger everyone on the highway.  The worse the offender is, the higher the penalty must be!  The intended goal of all of this effort is to teach that offending person to change their behavior and stop being a danger to themselves and others.

A Moral Obligation

When you get behind the wheel of an automobile, you are handling a lethal weapon.  People place their lives in danger every single time they pull out on the highway.  We, each and every one of us, must recognize that we are morally obligated to protect the lives of those innocent people who only need to get from home to work or get the kids to school from being injured or killed.  Being ignorant of that moral imperative is no excuse to ignore our responsibilities.

Now What Happens If A Spouse Abuses Their Partner?

It is as simple as this:  If you are in an abusive relationship, dating, married, or not married, you must acknowledge that you must STOP the abuse at any cost.  The example of the dangerous driver is only a parable to bring us to the awareness that abuse is both a social contract and a moral obligation to stay within limits and to abide by rules and laws in our relationships!  This is not an optional thing that can be accepted on any level.  It is the goal of this message to get people to change from being abusive to being a person who can create a lasting love.  Abuse cannot be explained away or excused as long as the other person does not object.  There is no action that one marriage partner can do that is a “justifiable reason” for the other partner to rationalize an abuse.

In simple words:  Get away from the abuser as far as required to protect yourself and any other family members who might also be abused.  Do not return until there are trained professionals who can assure you that the abusive behavior is no longer a possibility and can supervise the situation to keep it from returning.  This does not necessarily mean that the marriage or relationship is over.  There are many examples of couples that have moved beyond the abuse and built a stronger relationship over time.

But, the abuse must stop and it must stop at once!  I will accept no excuses.

Please look at the Greatest Fear of Women on our website for a very important reason why people try to stay in an abusive environment even when they are in danger.

For a complete resource on Abuse, please visit HelpGuide.org